“You can’t have dessert if you don’t eat your veggies.” “If you don’t stop throwing your food, dinner is over.” “If you don’t stop whining, I’m going to be mad.” “You can watch TV if you clean up first.” “If you don’t brush your teeth, then no more dessert.” “If you don’t stop yelling, we’re leaving.” “I’d be happy to help you clean up / get dressed if you would just say thank you once in awhile, but you never do, so I’m not going to help anymore.” Each of these is an example of a parent using manipulation or coercion to get their child to do something they want. Does it work? In the short term, probably, if you measure success by your child doing what you want. Is it easier? In the moment, again, probably. Will it give you the healthy relationship and connection with your kids that you want and teach your children to have empathy and to value your needs? Definitely not . So what’s the alternative where your house won’t descend into anarchy? (If you haven’t seen...

I hear from parents all the time who are frustrated because their young children are getting into everything and don't listen to "no". The parents are frustrated and often have resorted to some kind of punishment or consequences because their old methods aren't working anymore. Is this you? Then read on. First, let’s define some terms to make sure we’re on common ground: I talk a lot about limits and boundaries and to me, the two are different. Limits are the things we don’t let our kids do because they’re inappropriate, unkind, or unsafe, or unhealthy for them or others. Boundaries are things we don’t let our kids do because it’s not okay with us, personally. Boundaries also define what we have a right to control and what we don’t. So an example of a limit is, “I won’t let you run into the street. When we cross, we will go together, holding hands.” An example of a boundary is, “I don’t want you to climb here. I’m afraid this could get broken.” You would ...

Your baby takes SO long to fall asleep every night and isn’t napping. You’re so tired, but you don’t want her to cry! It seems like your toddler ALWAYS wants to be held! You can’t even get a minute to use the bathroom. Your two-year-old has never been a “good sleeper” and you have to sit with (or rock or nurse or carry) him until he’s asleep every night. Your three-year-old HAS to have the blue cup and is refusing to drink from the yellow one. Your preschooler really needs to spend some time with you, but you haven’t eaten your lunch yet. Your teenager asks to borrow your car, but you were planning to go grocery shopping tonight. What do all these scenarios have in common? What would you do? Would you always set aside your needs for your children? A foundational belief of many holistic parenting models, including RIE and P.E.T. , is that parents’ needs are just as important as their children’s needs. As parents, we are responsible for the health and w...