“You can’t have dessert if you don’t eat your veggies.” “If you don’t stop throwing your food, dinner is over.” “If you don’t stop whining, I’m going to be mad.” “You can watch TV if you clean up first.” “If you don’t brush your teeth, then no more dessert.” “If you don’t stop yelling, we’re leaving.” “I’d be happy to help you clean up / get dressed if you would just say thank you once in awhile, but you never do, so I’m not going to help anymore.” Each of these is an example of a parent using manipulation or coercion to get their child to do something they want. Does it work? In the short term, probably, if you measure success by your child doing what you want. Is it easier? In the moment, again, probably. Will it give you the healthy relationship and connection with your kids that you want and teach your children to have empathy and to value your needs? Definitely not . So what’s the alternative where your house won’t descend into anarchy? (If you haven’t seen...

In every toddler group, there is a broad range of personalities that emerge. Often, one child is “the quiet one”, another is “the daredevil”, and invariably one is “the bully”. There are  many problems that come from using these labels , but setting those aside, let’s talk about aggression in toddlers – specifically, what to do in the moment, depending on whether your child is the aggressor, or the recipient of aggression. I have many memories of bullying and aggressive behavior in my childhood, though I don’t remember much from my toddler years. In my younger years, I was most often the victim of bullying, while in high school (and even college to some extent), while I still felt like a victim fairly often, I also relished the power that came with being the aggressor. Through all my experiences in elementary and middle school, one common thread was that I constantly felt that the adults who were supposed to protect me were not there for me. I had a revelation recently a...