Have you ever tried to follow the experts’ recommendations to give your child choices, but it turned into a huge meltdown? Or tried to set a limit by giving two options, only to have your child insist on a third option? I recently had a conversation with a friend about her daughter, nearly three years old, who has been having some trouble with making decisions. They have been getting into power struggles, especially around using the potty. I asked my friend if she was giving choices and sufficient notice in regard to pottying, and discovered that the issue was quite a bit bigger than either of us thought! This struggle for autonomy and power has been causing some difficulties in their family, because the child is looking for both at very inopportune times, and in difficult ways. Here’s what my friend said to me about the way her daughter has responded to choices in the past: "She fights choices, and I get exhausted. If I give her two choices, she will pick a third. When I...

Elimination Communication (EC) refers to the practice of tuning in to your child’s communications about their elimination needs. It is based on the premise (surprising, in our culture) that even newborn babies have a natural desire for cleanliness and an inborn ability to recognize their own need to eliminate. We used occasional EC with our son almost from birth and have always done it respectfully. Resources for using EC respectfully are limited, and I don’t often see productive discussions about how respectful parenting and EC can fit together or how EC can be done with the utmost respect for the child. My story is a perfect example of how it worked in my family and with my child. It won’t work for everyone and it will look different for some. The most important thing is to keep listening to your child, to set your agenda aside, and to parent with respect. I was skeptical at first, but when I tried it with my two-week-old baby, I was amazed! I had no idea that I would be ...